Need Me!!!

All my fellow Statesians (however that ought to be said) could you promise me that when I get back, you'll need me? Call me incessantly and give me all your problems so I'll feel useful again. I'm so tired of making so much effort to hang out with Taiwanese people. And no one tells me their worries anymore.

The only people that need me are a handful of Americans I know here.

I need to be needed again.

Need me I tell you. Need me.

Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

*Blinks prettily*

The Beatles=Happiness!

Yes, I've been feeling a bit blue lately. Though I wouldn't say it's homesickness. I just don't know how to handle a good friend I fear I'm losing. She's fighting with me, and I am a failure fighter. I don't actually know how to quarrel with people and I'm not used to people giving me the silent treatment. If they're angry with me, they have but to see my goofy face or read my silly letters and they're okay again. Gah! All I want is for her to no longer be angry with me over whatever it is.

But to cure my problem: The Beatles!

And I remind myself that I'm a good and devoted friend. Devoted probably to the point it's a serious fault.

Besides, lately, I've had crazy food nostalgia. With a couple of Americans, I've made ridiculous food trips to imported American chain restaurants that are as about American as you'll ever get in Taiwan. I mean, could you imagine a Taiwanese person thinking fried macaroni and cheese is a good idea? Then there were the real cheese sticks, made with real mozzarella cheese. And the brownies. And the chocolate cake. And all the whipped cream. And the fettuccine alfredo. Good heavens, how I haven't died of cardiac failure yet is beyond me.

My favorite was the fact that our waiter called olive oil Italian butter. He didn't know the word and so he used the word Italian butter. He even tried to explain how to eat it for us. Lol. As if we didn't know.

Yeah, I've come to find that it's impossible as a white person to get by just speaking Chinese. I'd have to go back to Middlebury or move to the boonies somewhere to get all Chinese. And I'm gradually accepting and always shocking. Hehe! Though I still disagree with most people's view on internationalism. Damn being a weird person that thinks too much.

But... I've got my own country now! Freakin' 莎拉國!!!

I give you all hugs! Hugs! Hugs and more hugs!

I hope that you'll always remember that no matter what, I am always here for you and love you. If you've got me in your life, I'm pretty much there to stay. Good luck getting rid of me or making me not love you. Uber duper super special platonic love. I'm telling you, I beat a romantic interest. Lol.

Wow have I placed myself on a pedestal.

But some pictures to share:

My first Chinese massage. And check out those sexy pants. They were literally falling off of me, they were so big.

Don't laugh at me. Yes, it's another picture of 101. But it's at night. And still pretty. I left it this way because I thought it looked kind of cool and artistic like this. (Yes, now you're going to laugh, and I'm going to hide.)

The cute pandas. Though I still don't understand the Taiwanese on this. I've officially seen them three different times.

I'm pretty sure these are the best photo-stickers ever. I was in Danshui and took some sticky pics with some friends. Then, we noticed that the owner had done it too. Seriously can't help but love these pictures. I wish I had some. You see, usually they're cute Japanese girls, looking all big eyes and impossibly pretty. So this was a first. And the man was so sweet to us.

When I went to Ximending with a friend for the brownies and fried cheese food, we ran across a group of high school students advertising their school's haunted house. Talk about incredible make-up skills. It was rather creepy. And I didn't capture the best of it on camera.

And I must return to work. Gah, I'm so busy I might... Not sure yet. Explode? -Not serious enough. Turn into goo? -Not quite right either. Er, brain failure? -That's pretty serious. I guess I could have a brain overload.

Back to work!

The New Me!

Before

After

(Of course I had to do the angles.)

Aaaaah! No, she did it! She straightened her hair. And it will be hanging around for quite some time. It's so super awesome. Now I know what you straight haired people feel. I can run my fingers through my hair and feel the wind comb it as I race around.

I think living in a foreign place makes me even more conducive to spontaneous haircutting. The moment the urge hits, I must change my hair. But you would have to admit that my natural curls don't really suit short hair. It doesn't work.

Anyways, nothing particular new. School is good. I'm in the process of finding students. I can't wait until the day that I can earn enough money from my writings alone that I don't have to do things with which I completely disagree.

I've had strange cravings for certain Western food. Butter, cheesecake, pancakes, homemade cookies, pasta, proper salad, cake, pie, cereal, cheese, pizza (the vegetarian version which practically doesn't exist in Taiwan), etc. That's not to say that food isn't good here, but some days I miss those certain luxuries. And most Taiwanese western food is a rather cold consolation when the cravings hit. I'm already making a list in my head of things to eat when I get back. Though I'm nervous about returning and not getting to speak so much Chinese again. And I'm nervous about seeing lots of non-Asian people again.

噴射彩帶

So, I learned the word for silly string in Chinese. That is one among many new words that I've learned in Chinese class. The title would be it, 噴射彩帶. Pretty awesome huh? When I first looked it up, it translated as shoot ticker tape. But I couldn't for the life of me figure out what that meant. So then I asked my friend from Singapore.

Anyways, my class focuses on reading newspapers, and we've read some interesting stories so far. In Iran, a woman lost her eyesight because her jealous ex couldn't take no for an answer and splashed her face with bleach. Then, there was Singapore where an American minor committed a crime and was punished with a beating. Then came something about how flammable silly string is--proven at a Chinese wedding banquet in which party poppers and silly string caused the bride and groom to catch on fire. Today's lesson talks about an embarrassed little Taiwanese teen that stole condoms and got caught for it.

See what kind of crazy level I've progressed to in Chinese? But so many people won't believe that I can read and understand so well. I suppose it's mostly because many foreigners have a hard time learning the written part. Actually, one of my language exchange partners is kind of condescending about my Chinese and really won't believe it. The thing is, he never really talks to me in Chinese. I'm thinking of cutting off the exchange because I feel like I only have 'English value' to him. I don't want to be that though; I want people to care about me for who I am. I'll share culture and language with you so long as you show genuine interest.

Now, by no means is my Chinese perfect. I just wanted to get that off my chest.

Actually, I've gotten rather naughty and tell people all sorts of stories. Most strangers never find out I'm from the US. I'll insist my English sucks, or stare at them in confusion until they use Chinese with me. Except some people don't care about you the moment you say you aren't from an English speaking country and that your English sucks. Or they simply won't believe you.

I think it must be difficult being a white foreigner that can't speak a lot of English in Taiwan.

Actually, I want to know the reaction I'd get if I said I were from 莎拉國 (Sarah-terre), which is a country I've recently founded. Essentially, it's a nomadic country with a population of one. It's population is also it's president. Yep, in other words, I have my own country. Except, I am all that is Sarah-terre. It's kind of a cool idea since I don't feel like I can completely identify with any culture. I know that sounds weird, but then you think about how much I don't really represent the typical American or do things like the typical American would. Don't take this as rejection of anyone or anything. I've just been so many places and spent time with so many different types of people that I don't always feel comfortable in large groups of Americans, and I don't always agree with American attitudes and mentality. (And don't harp me on how there's not such thing as "typical". This comes from a more statistical meaning of the word. Overall, my habits won't match those of others in a group of Americans, either when interacting amongst ourselves or with people of another country. That isn't to say I don't have influence and such. But I don't feel like I can truly identify as completely American. I feel like each place I've been has left a part of itself inside my heart.) I insist on thinking about uncomfortable things. Making other people thinking about these things. Complaceny doesn't seem like the right solution.

Okay, now I'm going off on weird tagents. I ought to add, since you won't necessarily know, that I'm very happy write now. I'm smiling like a psycho as I write this. I'm honestly glad to have school now because I feel like I have a goal and meaning again. It's strange how that works. If I don't have a lot to do, I begin to get bored and too much. I need goals and occupations. I already said that though.

It's been raining a lot here lately. Hasn't really been helpful for my cough. (Yeah, I'm getting over a cold.)

And I wanted to add that my relationship with my Malaysian roommate has been getting better and better. She's so much more comfortable with me, and we'll occasionally go out and eat or something.

Love you guys. Even if you think I don't. I do.

I know, I know... It's been forever.

It may have been forever, but please don't kill me. I enjoyed my three months of vacation, yet I'm glad to have restarted classes. Now, I feel more like I have purpose. Being a tourist and a bum does get a little exhausting after a while. Maybe it's because I have a very active mind, and as much as I might grumble, I like activity.

I've decided that instead of really worrying about recounting things chronologically, I'll just start doing little updates of random thoughts or events as I feel. Maybe it'll make me more motivated to keep up with all of this. You see, I hate routine and obligation. It also makes me a failure when it comes to diaries and the like.

I'll give you a brief summary of crazy things I've had happen. If there's something you want to here a further elaboration of, just let me know and I'll write an entry about it. So, it goes like this: I accompanied some friends from Southeastern Asia around Taiwan, saw some celebrities, went to the big New Year's concert and Taipei 101 Fireworks presentation, went to Singapore, went to southern Taiwan and celebrated the Chinese New Year, pondered big topics that have no answers, hung out with friends, went to 九份, saw some movies, got a new haircut that slightly resembles a manga character's hairstyle, had an unfortunate encounter with a health company that freakishly resembles a cult, had a couple of guys randomly harass me and tell me I was pretty, saw Taiwan's new pandas, and met the new CIEE folk. Wow! So much happened.

Anyways, I'm glad to have started class. I'm reading the newspaper now. It is the same class I was originally placed in, but this time around, I understand what's going on. Until the teacher open's her mouth and speaks newspeak. I swear Chinese news is a totally different language. But I love class this time. I'm not terrified witless. Gee whiz! I'm a big girl now!

Okay, I'll leave you with a rather unappetizing sight of my new hair-do to contemplate. Although, I realized there are none with my hair down, so you'll have to wait for the whole effect on another entry. I guess that shows how ashamed I am. Lol. You want to see other pictures, just let me know. There's a nice little Cbox for you to talk to me on.

Just A Quick Hello from Your One and Only Sarah

I hope I'm your one and only Sarah, anyways. Not that you might not know other Sarahs. I'm just hoping that in your mind I'm unique. In that way, your one and only Sarah. I don't know if that really makes sense to anyone but me.

Anyways, I figured I'd drop by and give you a little update. Although, technically, I'm supposed to be working on my paper. However, I feel guilty for being so out of touch with everyone. And guilty for being too lazy to both giving you a quick note here or there.

Next week, once my papers are all in, I will officially be on break. If I would have motivated myself better earlier, I already could be on break. However, I've also been busy, spending time with people of every sort. I've also gone traveling. If you're curious, go check out my newly uploaded photos on Facebook, or ask me to send you the link.

Anyways, I have some news of sorts for you. Not really good news. Definitely not for my family anyways. Apparently, CIEE accepted seventeen new incoming students to study at NCCU. Of course, that's wonderful. Taiwan is a great place and I've been happy here. However, because of the campus situation, dorm spaces for us are limited (a small detail CIEE never mentioned to us) and we only have ten rooms in the females' dorm and ten in the males' door. Since twelve of these newcomers are female, the girls staying the year will be forced out of the dorms and required to pay rent in apartment. CIEE, of course, will help us find apartments; however, I must admit the way the program handled it is rather, for lack of a better word, crappy. As long as I'm guaranteed an immersion setting, I suppose it will be okay, but apartments are expensive and I will have a lot of extra expenses and fees. There wasn't even mention that I might have to leave the dorm under any condition. Hmm... I am not surprised. Had I had other options, I wouldn't have used CIEE to study abroad. The people that take care of us here are nice. However, much like my last study abroad program, the organization is poorly organized.

Well, enough complaining. I don't want to move out, but I can't figure out any further details until I go meet with my CIEE representatives this coming Tuesday.

Otherwise, I did accomplish the ultimate at the beginning of the week by going to Chiayi, Ali Shan, Yu Shan, and Taizhong all within 48 hours' time. Pretty incredible, huh? The mountains were gorgeous--although a wee bit too cold for my liking. I really ought to buy more winter clothing.

I had also looked forward to seeing a Singaporean friend who was coming to Taiwan this week; however, due to unfortunate circumstances, it was impossible. I hope one day to see her and hear her tinkling little voice. But trips to Singapore won't be very easy once I go back to the States. Curse plane ticket prices. Otherwise, think of all the limitless possiblities...

Anyways, I don't have much exciting to say. Just figured maybe my rambling would reassure you that I do love you. I have been busy with language exchanges and meeting all sorts of new and interesting people.

Taiwan also makes me feel young and old at the same time. Most of my peers tend to think I'm older, but I tend to be younger than most of my peers. Fascinating feeling.

Also, I do miss something about home. Being able to walk out of doors without people staring at me. Sometimes, especially when I'm already tired, I find it ridiculously exhausting. Plus you never know if they're talking to you or not. I can never understand the people who attempt to speak to me in English, and I tend to ignore people when I'm alone.

Anyways, over and out!

Love to all of you! And I will sincerely try to update more often. I don't want you thinking I've fallen off the face of the Earth or forgotten about you.

Flamingos in Taipei?!

Yes. My beloved flamingos are indeed here in Taipei. You could even consider them my neighbors. Except one small detail. You shouldn't haven't to pay two dollars to see your neighbor. Well, we'll overlook that detail since they're flamingos and should I feel energetic, I could simply walk a few kilometers and find myself at the zoo entrance.

Yes, you must think I'm odd to blabber on about flamingos, but that would probably be because you don't well me know enough. I pretty much worship flamingos. And I have some crazy flamingo things because my family knows.

There is actually a point to what I'm saying. Though I must sidetrack for a moment.

I think flamingos and I are two peas in a pod. Really. Think about it. They're colorful and funny-looking. The adjective I'd put with them would be marrant. Although my non-French-speaking friends haven't a clue what that means. However, much like a flamingo, I'm colorful and funny-looking. It's a perfect match. (That sentence sounds like words from a love story of the 18th or 19th century.)

Anyways, I just want to take a moment to let you know that I'm alive and give you some of my thoughts. Yeah, I'm a lousy blogger. I find it so boring to recount the things I've done. That's not to say I've done nothing. My Facebook albums are semi-representative of that. However, I find little interest in it. I've just been thinking a lot these past couple of days (and don't take this the wrong way or assume I'm wildly depressed).

What I really want you to know is that despite the fact I'm lousy at keeping in touch with anyone anymore, I really love you. I value and cherish every person with whom I've come into contact. No, I don't express this often. I suppose I fear being vulnerable and I fear that you won't return the feelings. Your friendship or bloodties (whichever you be) mean a lot to me. I don't want you to forget that.

I suppose at this point you're thinking I'm irreparably homesick. On the contrary, I usually have so much to keep me busy, sometimes I barely sit down for a moment of silent reflection. I love Taiwan, and quite honestly, I would be incapable of leaving Taiwan if you told me I needed to go home tomorrow. The people here are fascinating and beautiful. Their culture is so rich, and I feel grateful and humbled that they are willing to share any of it with me. However, when the time comes, I'll be glad to return to Grinnell. Of course, not without a certain amount of nostalgia for Taiwan because I always grow very attached to places where I make a life for myself.

I just feel that I don't say this enough.

I'm especially grateful to my sister, who I can always count on--no matter what.

Anyways, good luck on finals or happy return trip. What else are you up to? Work... Whatever it be, I wish you the best.